Regrets, I’ve had a few.
But unlike Frank, I’ve had enough that they are worth mentioning.
I suppose that we all do. Unless you are a robot, regrets haunt us in certain ways unique to only US. I wanted to share some thoughts on handling those regrets because, honestly, I am tired of not forgiving myself for past missteps and don’t think I am alone in this world when I say that.
We have all said things that we instantly wished we could retract. We have all acted in ways that cause disbelief and shame in our mind. Every one of us has missed an opportunity that presented itself openly, only to be squandered with the exception of reliving that miss in our head, over and over and over…
That’s good ole regret for you.
There are times that I will be alone, driving to any given destination on any given day. A moment of peaceful solitude becomes that of reflection. That reflection turns into a great opening for regrets to run to the front of my mind and kick in the door like a mental DEA, taking a front seat to my thoughts. Amazingly enough, I react in the same way every time, without fail. I relive the moment in my mind… sigh out loud… and shake my head which might or might not be followed by me giving myself a gentle talking to.
Crazy? Maybe. Honest? Definitely.
But that’s what regrets will do to people… they make you the person in the car that talks to himself.
I have grappled with myself as the mistake maker more than I have actually struggled with the actual blunder itself. I have failed to be kind to myself, which in turn has created greater stress on my mind, body, and soul. I try and tell myself that ‘everyone makes mistakes’ and ‘no one is without fault’ but to no avail. I still beat myself up for things that happened decades ago and that simply is unhealthy, unacceptable, and unfair.
So, with hopes that I can utilize my own advice, here are three things that I take into account as I wrestle with the unchangeable events of being human.
FIND STRENGTH in what you do well. I am someone who works on his weaknesses, and too often, I allow those shortcomings to weigh me down like an anchor. It’s a great practice to get “better” and find improvement everyday… as a matter of fact, I think it should be a common occurrence, but not a crippling one. I ask people around me to find their superpower and in that discovery, to use it to bolster themselves and those around them. Working on what needs improvement is key, however using your superpowers to counterbalance gaffes… well, Superman would approve.
PRACTICE EMPATHY for oneself and those who may have wronged you. We never know what lies beneath the surface of our friends, loved ones, colleagues and even those we aren’t so fond of. Everyone is dealing with something. Everyone ticks differently. Stop and think what makes those people do the things they have done… you may not come up with an answer, but sure as can be, there is a driving factor, and it may not be logical. Empathy is a better emotion to practice towards oneself and others than hatred.
FORGIVE (and try to forget!). Small caveat here… this is NOT my strong point, and I happen to carry a grudge like Walter Payton carried a football (and for you younger readers… he carried it well.) I am fairly good at the forgiveness part but based on my DNA, east coast upbringing and simply the fact that I am a member of the human race, it’s hard for me to forgive not only those who might have wronged me, but also the forgiveness of my own blunders. I’d like to practice forgiveness at all levels, but not forget that self-forgiveness may be equal to or greater than any grace I can have towards others.
That’s it. Short and sweet and without much fluff. I’ll try to live by what’s written above if you will take a crack at it as well. Here’s to everyone being more kind, both inward and out.
